The End is Just The Beginning

10 Days ago I got on an airplane to Hawaii for an Actor Intensive Retreat, on The Big Island of Kona.  I knew it would be a growing, important experience, and I would grow as a person, and an actor.  What I didn’t know was how this would be a life changing experience, one that, I not only believe, but know- because I am committed to this transformation, that this experience will be just that- transformative.  My eyes are open, and for me there is no turning back.

I have attracted this experience into my life.  Prior to this trip I considered myself to be someone who was aware, in that I believed in the Law of Attraction, I had a vision wall, I read books about the Law of Attraction, I tried to navigate as a positive person, I worked hard at my craft, I believed I could do it.  I believed in these things. But there is a difference in believing, a sort of leap of faith that has to occur, and with that comes a sort of disbelief- doubt.  One doesn’t believe in the law of gravity, one just knows it to be a fact, that it is true.  This trip has empowered me with the tools to believe in my power, my abilities, my dreams, my purpose, my connection, my love.  From start to finish, this trip continuously showed me the truth: I create the world I live in.  I have a choice as to how I interact in every moment.  I can deliberately create my world.  Affirmations are cute, but I’m more powerful then that. I am not a slave to my thoughts, but I can instead take charge of my life, my world, and my career and deliberately create, instead of responding positively, or as positively as I can to the things that happen to me.  I hold the power.

And like with anything, with great power comes great responsibility.  I want to give back.  I want to continuously heal myself, so I can heal others.  I want to have an open heart, to others, to strangers, to family, to friends, to nature, to trees, to birds, to ants- because we are all one.  I am awake, and it’s what do I choose to do with that.  To attempt to try to change others around me, would defeat the lovely work that has occurred these past ten days, and lead me back to controlling habits, and leave me possibly disappointed, and in a negative space. Talk is cheap, and instead I will walk the talk. By being what I know, and letting my light shine, will hopefully create a ripple effect, as light triumphs over darkness.  A smile is contagious.  Make’em laugh.  Make them say, “hey what’s up with that guy, I want some of what he’s got going on.”  I don’t have to try (while I do still want to be open to those who need me) If I’m living correctly in this new walk, all I have to do is just ‘be’- which is a beautiful thing.  My playful, authentic self.

The island communicated to me, several times, that my spirit is playful.  I had gotten so caught up in, the ways of life, and the beautiful blessings all around me, that I had created, and wasn’t enjoying my life.  I want to be happy. I want to have fun.  And I want others to do so as well.

On a work related note, I am so grateful to be going right into the business class, to further the teachings, of the world of acting from the business sense.  There is so much to learn, and boy did I get my butt kicked in learning those auditioning technqiues. I am humbled by it, and look forward to growing, in the most healthiest way possible, and with lots of laughter.

I am so grateful and blessed to have gone through this experience.  I think to call it an actor intensive retreat, doesn’t define it enough. I feel like I went to rehab. Where I connected to a power greater, yet equal to myself.  I forgave. I healed.  I worked towards my dreams as an actor.  I was given tools to be successful in mind, body, and soul.   I was shown how beautiful this world is.  How beautiful we are. How blessed I am.

I am so grateful for the Big Island. I am so grateful for my grandmother, who in her passing, gave me the abundance to go, and connect with her in a higher level.  I am so so so grateful for Jim & Melissa- what they have created is something that words can’t fully explain.  They are such a gift to all who are fortunate enough to study with them, because you get so much more then just an “acting class”- it’s a transformative experience, that will have a lasting effect on your soul, making you a better, fuller, happier version of yourself, and thus having the same effect on the world.  Two people who are impacting the world on a daily basis.  I am so blessed to have found them and this studio, and for them giving me this opportunity.  I am so grateful for my Ohana: Sandy, Krystle, Billy, Carlo, Chuck, Jillann, Larry, Carlos, and Mia, and of course Jim, and Melissa- who I shared this experience with on The Big Island with, and will continue to here on the main island as we continue to blossom, bloom, and fly to great heights- the places we were meant to go.  I am so grateful to all of the family, all of our Uncles and Aunties on the island.  The trees, the valleys, the places of healing, the van, the market, the paint on the walls, the stars, the music, the food, the beach, the rocks, the ocean, the sand- I am grateful to you all! I know you always remain apart of me, and live through me.

So now the real work begins, and I am so ready!  I’m sure there will be falls, but it’s what I do when that happens, that matters.  I feel empowered and ready to spread my smile, my healing, my joy, my power, my passion, my professionalism, my integrity, my laughter, my light.  It’s time for this energy to evolve to what it’s meant to be.  And I know that 10 days is not a comeback- but it’s one hell of a foundation.   Thank you so much to all of you, that followed us and supported us.

I love you!

Speechless

Since Wednesday the trip took a new turn and we have gotten into the Business of acting. Being so consumed by it and plus all the good time we are having morning and evening I have neglected to writ. Honestly, when you begin to live and be from moment to moment with such a amazing human being surrounded by water in the middle of the Pacific Ocean…we you do just that JUST BE and that is what we have been doing.

See our trip doesn’t end here, it is just begun. My favorite analogy when I teach meditation is the bow and arrow analogy. Say you have someone who has never seen a bow or arrow or knows how it works. And you give that person the bow and arrow and you tell them to get the arrow to the target up ahead. And then suddenly the person that you give the bow and arrow to, drops the bow and takes off running as fast as possible…hot and bothered after exhausting their energy to put the  arrow into the target. And you knowing the knowledge of how to use a bow and arrow pull the arrow back on the bow…and just as you are pulling it back your exhausted associate comes and says wait “why are you pulling the arrow back when it needs to go forward?”..”that’s silly!” Well you see when you pull the arrow back on the bow you are preparing it to blast into dynamic action from a rested state. When you sit to meditate you pull the mind back to its source so that it can go into the day with full momentum, coherence, peace of mind and clarity. On this retreat we have pulled the arrow back on the bow so that we can shoot into the activity of pursuing our dream at an optimal first class level. We have done it in a settle rested location on the planet and now our rockets are on the lunch pad and all of our arrows are restfully alert and as we return to California we will be pursuing our dream a better version of ourselves. Also we will be returning equipped with tools for maintaining a high level of operating our instrument and living our best life.

Many things we experienced here are not to be or can be put into words they are experiences only to be lived and cultivated through full awareness. Yogastah Kuru Karmani it is a vedic expression that means “meditate then act”. This is what we have been doing. Taming our monkey mind in a seat of divine healing called Hawaii! There is more to come….

With all loving gratitude and blessings to my great teachers Jim and Melissa! We are EMPOWERED TRULY AND THAT IS HOW IT GOES AND WILL KEEP GOING!!!! And to Sandy Meisner!!!! And to My Ohana..WE ARE OHANA!

Krystle;-)

Day 5: Heal

Everything has a spirit and energy to which we are all connected too.  I think the reason why this island is so powerful, and is such a hot spot of energy is because it is so new.  This volcanic rock, was more recently then other land masses at the core and center of the earth. This hot, powerful, magma of energy, exploded onto the surface- and that energy continues to run through this island, and connects to each and everyone of us.

On this day, we went to a place, where the great Kahuna’s would go to learn the teachings of the earth, to learn how to heal others, and many other practices, to be able to serve their people, and the world.  In the group, we were each charged with finding our own place to experience the sunrise.  I was guided to a point, out, amongst the rocks, that stretched out towards the Pacific Ocean.  I went out as far out as I could, or I’d dare go, as these powerful rocks, can be tricky.  I sat on a rock, that had this crab running around a few yards in front of it. Being that Cancer is my zodiac sign, I took that as a sign, that I was in the right place.  This time, the sun would rise at my back, as I stared at the ocean, and sky ahead, and watched it get lit up, by the sun’s golden rays.  I am of the sun, and with my thoughts, I was lighting up the world.  I began to fuse myself with the rock I was sitting on, becoming one with it. Breathing from it, and back down into it.  I am of this powerful rock, of which was once at the heart, soul, and core of the earth. We are of the same.  For a moment, I began to judge my meditation, was it going as deep as others? Was it “working”? Was I “going somewhere”?  The words of Jim’s teachings rang in my ear for today’s theme was ‘release’, on the heels of the day before’s forgiveness. Release. So I did- as much as I could, and just experienced the ride.  At one point I began to feel a presence, a strong presence, similar to the one of the day before’s, a presence about 6’7″ in stature, strong, powerful, beautiful.  I then from directly underneath me, from the rock I was becoming one with, heard a voice, through every cell of my body: HEAL. If yesterday was forgiveness, and I opened up all my wounds, to gush out all the pain, then today it was time to heal.

Out there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, being my own rock, connected to this rock, that was in turn connected to everyone, and everything, I felt something, I couldn’t quite understand at that moment.  When we were called back, I couldn’t quite make sense of my meditation, but knew I had experienced something important, and lovely.  A thought rang in my head, that a powerful meditation will pay, make deposits, as I continue forward.  I saw everyone coming back together, some standing, I saw Chuck, standing there, and he looked like a rock.  So did everyone else. A rock connected to the earth.  I too am a rock connected to the earth, and as I saw everyone, I felt, through my feet, through the ground, and to their feet, and into their hearts, that we were once- connected- a part of the same mound.

As we mindfully walked back to the van, I took inventory, of where I was. The ground I was stepping on.  What the place meant and represented.  I felt the energy of the island, the wind against my face, the song of the birds, the crash of the waves, and it hit me. I am meant to heal.  As I breathed that in, I stopped walking and just began to cry, and folded over.  There it was.  I put no pressure on myself, in the beginning when Jim asked, “why are you here?”  Maybe I wouldn’t figure it out while here, I thought. Maybe it was simply to create positivity.  The island spoke to me, and said: HEAL. I am here to heal myself, so I can be of service to others.  To heal them. To heal this planet.  Through love, through art, through making movies, through laughing, through making others laugh, to being there for others, through being kind, through being mindful, through being compassionate, through listening, through spreading positivity, through teaching, through making movies, through writing poems, through taking pictures, through writing letters, through doing theater, through hugs, through kisses, through blogs- I am meant to be a healer.  And it’s what I am meant to do.  Talk is cheap- so I put this out there for all to read, and see, because I am a man of my word.

Cry me a river

I am humbly blessed and in truest sense of the word honored to be part of a group of amazing individuals. What I have had the privilege to experience is nothing short of magical. Eloquence escapes me so I must rely on the words of Marianne Williamson to adequately surmise the gifts of these days.

“Our Deepest Fear” by (often mistakenly cited as a Nelson Mandela poem)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Taming thoughts

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.”

Today was the first time that this teaching really resonated with me.  Watching my thoughts at Pololu, I was astounded at how quickly I was able to calm my “monkey mind” by choosing to guide my thoughts elsewhere.  In an instant, feelings of unworthiness became dew drops on blades of grass and the sound of rain on a tin roof.

I am done being plagued by self-deprecating judgements.  I choose to stop receiving meaningless noise and transform moments of doubt into moments of wonder, clarity, and renewal.